Hi there. Miss me?
I’ve been away from my blogging duties for quite a while. I have a reason. I’ve had a few changes in my life that I had to deal with.
First off, I’m bankrupt.
It seems like the popular thing to do these days, especially in the States. But it wasn’t something I wanted to do. And I did my best to try to avoid it.
For the past year, I had been looking for another job. Something that would either pay more or fit into my work schedule. During this time, I had been talking to my employers, telling them of my struggles, hoping that if I was a valued employee, they would understand if things became more stressful with me. I talked to them about a raise, since I hadn’t received one for a while. At least in this, I wasn’t alone. A lot of people who had been there for a while, put in long hours, hadn’t received a raise either.
But as summer ended, I began to realize things wouldn’t improve, unless I did something serious. Thus, bankruptcy.
At first, I felt pretty bad about this course. I felt like I failed as an adult. Although my lack of competitive pay was a factor, I didn’t help myself out either. Stress from my money woes led to stupid spending. And when you own a house, reside in the low-income level of society, and are the sole income earner, stress becomes a regular thing. Add to that a car that’s on its last legs and various other bills, it adds up to the only solution that would work for me.
Still, that feeling of being a failure was still there.
But, after meeting with my Trustee, I saw things differently. I didn’t see it as a failure, but as a way to make significant changes in my life to improve it.
Honestly, there’s still a battle between “failure” and “fresh start”, but the “fresh start” thought is getting stronger.
The next step was to move out of my house. I had lived on my own for ten years, in either a house I was renting or one that I owned. Now, I had to down-size from a house to a room in my sister’s place.
I count myself quite lucky. Many people who go through bankruptcy have nowhere to go. They move to the cheapest place they can find, which may not be the best or healthiest. But I have a great, strong, loving family. My sister had to make some changes in her life and house to allow me to move in. My parents, who live in an in-law suite in my sister’s basement, have also had to make changes. Their kitchen and shower is my kitchen and shower. They also took in my two cats, who otherwise would have been shipped off to a shelter.
As grateful as I am for their help and assistance, I feel that I’m a burden. This feeling goes back and deeper into the past than just for these recent events. I guess this is a thing only youngest siblings can get or understand. Being the youngest, you always get help from everyone. In times like these, it helps, but that feeling is always there, nagging.
After down-sizing, moving and finally getting settled in, things began to get into a new routine of normalcy. It was handy that I now lived closer to work, cause that would save me some gas.
Not even two weeks after I moved in, I received my walking papers from work. I was terminated. When I asked for the reasons, I was told that it had to do with re-structuring and that my position was being phased out.
I wasn’t surprised. I knew this was coming. But I commented to them that the timing was not the best. The manager knew of my financial troubles, but he didn’t care.
If I had another job lined up, I would have been over-joyed. To say working there had become a chore, is a huge under-statement. But it wasn’t just me that felt this way. The company had been struggling for over a year. Good people left because they knew things were going down the drain. Apathy and indifference became common place. The remaining people who worked hard were not being listened to by the management, and many products that went out the door weren’t up to the quality that I had been set forth when I started working there.
Even though the next few months will be hard, looking for a job or struggling to get by with government assistance, I’m quite glad to not have to be associated with a company that doesn’t live up to its own supposed “standards”, that ignores the workers who strive to maintain said quality, and lies to those it works with and for.
Now I sit in a cozy room, jam-packed with my stuff, thinking about what my future holds. Sometimes it doesn’t look good, not just for me, but for those around me, trying to help me.
But sometimes, I think this is the kind of thing I needed to happen. My life hasn’t been fulfilling enough. I haven’t strived for what I really want because of a life that I haven’t been happy with. This change is an opportunity to make the changes I want.
We rarely get these kind of chances for change. More often than not, we allow the potential negativity of a situation to blur out dreams and hope. I don’t want that to happen.
Opportunity is knocking. I’m gonna answer.