Letters to… the NHL, Hockey parents, and amateur refs

Dear NHL owners and players;

Thanks for pulling your collective heads out of your asses and settling on how your billions of dollars will be divided.

For the players, it must feel good to get back to playing the game that will make you, or has already made you, millionaires. For the owners, it must feel good to watch the players who only a few months ago probably cursed you under their breaths. But what does that matter right? everyone is making money and happy!

Well, except the fans who lost hundreds of dollars in season tickets, the small business owners who have struggled while millionaires argued over billions of dollars, the borderline fans who don’t think much of all of you (that would be me), and especially the kids. The lesson they learned from all of this, no matter how much money you make, it is never enough, and the thing that you love eventually becomes secondary to greed.

But, as they say, time heals all wounds. Personally, I like to forgive, but never forget.


Disappointed Canadian


Dear Hockey Parents;

You are really loud.

Now, I come from a loud family. The kind of family that would rather yell up through the floor to call someone down for dinner instead of yelling up the stairs. The kind of family that when we get together and are chatting each other up, it sounds like a crowd twice the size. The kind of family that when someone asks if something is too loud, we yell louder cause we think it’s funny. Which it is.

When I go watch my nephews play hockey, I consider myself loud. I cheer, hoot, yell and clap when my nephew’s team scores.

But the people who bring trumpets, cow bells, and yell and scream at the top of their lungs as they try to impart wisdom onto their child, who probably can’t hear a damn thing, as way too loud.

Especially annoying, the manly men, who use their deep voices to add verbally colourful commentary to the game.

I can understand being caught up in the moment, and even being way too loud myself. But I’m not talking so much about getting caught up in the moment. I’m talking about each and every game. Yelling. Right behind me. Deafening me.

So please stop, or I’ll forget my Buddhist mentality and beat you to death with your own shoe.




Dear Kids Playing Hockey;

I’m gonna keep this simple.

Hockey is a game. It isn’t solving world problems, of curing some deadly disease.

But it can lift a nation and unify people. Look at the Americans, they’re still milking that “Miracle on Ice” thing from the 1980’s! Even though the Canucks already defeated the Russians back in ’72.

My point is, hockey is a game. It should be competitive, exciting, but most of all, it should be fun.

Try and keep that in mind when/if you make it to the big leagues.

Yours truly,

A Fan of My Nephew’s Hockey Teams


Dear Ref at my nephew’s recent game;

The rink isn’t that big. The hit was so obvious, I saw it, and I miss a lot of stuff.

The coaches arguing the point may not have been smart, but if you want to be a ref, then you should start acting like a ref.

Step One: Stay out-of-the-way! You got in the kids way at least three times in the first period, blocking the puck’s progress. Real refs know how to stay out-of-the-way.

Step Two: Pay attention. What should have been a boarding penalty involved two players WITH the puck. Like I said, even I saw it. Sure it may have been an accident, but if these kids are to learn and improve, they need to know what a penalty is. Thankfully, the kid who was put into the boards wasn’t hurt. This time. Pay Attention!

Step Three: Don’t argue. Coaches and fans have their kids playing out there and tend to over-react. Arguing with someone like that is like arguing with a Christian that the world is round, dinosaurs existed up to 65 million years ago, and we evolved from apes. Your words ain’t gonna get through. And since you’re a kid yourself, a teen with a modicum of authority, you’re not gonna be smart enough to heed any advice…



Dear Ottawa Senators;

Curse you!

I was actually becoming sort of a fan! I actually read the sports section. THE SPORTS SECTION!!!

Then you guys go on strike, or get locked out, or throw a temper tantrum, whatever! Frickin’ piss me off! Ya bunch of wealthy sport playing people!

*sigh* sadly, I am Canadian. We watch and play hockey. It’s what we do.

If you guys wanna redeem yourselves, win the Stanley Cup.

Yeah, that would work.


All Hockey Fans


go sens go


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