Dear Quentin Tarantino;

Kudos to all your success. You have created a genre all its own and spawned way too many imitators. But I think as you get older, you have started to get bloated, not just in girth, but in your movies. The perfect example of this is Deathproof.

I recently watched and found myself wishing these hot, young, rambling women, who sound like they learned the english language from watching Pulp Fiction ad nauseum, would die sooner rather than later. Yet it is waaay too long before Kurt Russell’s Stuntman Mike shows up to dispatch them. If the movie had cut down the opening of the movie to Stuntman Mike in the bar, his running down the tarts, then moving on to the next set of ladies, it would have made for a much better movie. Ms. Poitier was so much less annoying on the Knight Rider reboot than  as Jungle Julia.

Thankfully, through the magic of DVDs, I can skip over the boring and go straight to the death and Kurt Russell, cause honestly, I’d rather watch Kurt be bad-ass, than tarts talking my sailors.

Sincerely,

Snake Plissken Esq.

 

Dear Inventor of Yoga pants;

Thank you!

Sincerely,

hetero men

 

Dear Married People;

Why do you insist that because people like myself are single that we have no clue about how relationships and marriages work?

paleontologists have never met a Dinosaur in person, yet through observation and study, they are considered experts. Many social workers have never had the life experiences that those they help have had, yet they can be quite knowledgeable and helpful. I’m pretty sure scientists that study quantum mechanics have never shrank down to the subatomic level to see what they study.

Yet for some reason, single people have no clue to how marriage, with all its various quirks and sociological issues, operates. Granted, there are totally clueless single people out there. But there are also those that have been single for a while, who have watched friends, family, and many others in relationships and marriages. They may even know the two people very well, and see how their relationship started off, how it evolved, how they changed, how they have dealt with the arrival of children, and how they have slipped into the dreariness of married life.

We  may not be in a relationship, but we’ve observed enough to know a thing or two about how things go, like who wears the pants, and who doesn’t. We can see how one person has basically traded-in everything so they can live a quiet life in the shadow of who they were. Yeah, relationships require give-and-take and compromise, we understand that. But relationships aren’t about subjugation of the other.

So married people, and those in a relationship, the next time your single friend makes a comment, or offers some advice, maybe instead of mocking them, or ignoring their words, maybe you should think about the truth within or behind their words. They have known something about things after all.

Sincerely,

A Single Dude

 

Dear Buddha;

If you had to deal with mosquitos, you’d be killing them too.

I know they feed birds and other insects, but there aren’t any birds or insects in my office! If they stayed out of the house, then I wouldn’t have a problem. But since they can’t read the signs I posted, telling mosquitos to stay out, I have little recourse.

I try to think of it this way, if I am reincarnated as a mosquito, I will happily allow myself to be squashed. But deep down in my mosquito-y conscious, I’ll know I’m reeeally annoying!

Sincerely,

Sark, the Mosquito Slayer

 

Dear Canadian Broadcasters, Particularly those Based in Toronto;

You lack impartiality.

Case in point, the morning after the Ottawa Senators surprised everyone be defeating the Montreal Canadiens in five games, what was the leading sports story? The Toronto Maple Leafs’ next game. The second story? Montreal’s lose to the Senators. Oh, and Ottawa advances to round 2 of the playoffs.

You’d think the fact that a Canadian team advancing would be a big story. Nope! It’s all about Toronto and Montreal. Lil Ottawa gets a pat on the head and a mention! Ooo! Faboo!

Flash forward to Game two between Ottawa and the Pittsburgh Penguins. The commentators on CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation), continually tout how awesome Crosby and Co are, ignoring the fact that the Senators, a team plagued by injuries throughout the year, a team continually marginalized, was holding their own against one of the best, if not THE best team in the league that money can buy. But nope! One Ottawa forward, Kyle Turris, gets a goal at an impossible angle. It’s a crazy fluke. A few minutes later, Crosby get the same kind of goal, but it’s all skill and talent.

BULL. SHIT!!!

If I was a true conspiracy theorist, I’d be wondering if things were aligned against Canadian teams, just so the National Hockey League can keep the Stanley Cup south of the border, and continue to draw in my viewers who aren’t watching The Amazing American Survivor Idol Voice Race.

In the meantime, I’d rather watch my nephew play hockey. Go Carleton Place Atom B2 Kings!

Sincerely,

Frustrated Canadian that doesn’t live in Toronto

 

Dear Those In Power & the Media;

You guys (and gals) are embarrassing yourselves.

Example:

People that aren’t even elected to over-paid positions as senators within the Canadian government screw tax-payers out of hundreds of thousands of dollars because “Oops, I didn’t understand the forms I was filling out.” Then having high-up mucky-mucks covering it up. Sad.

Another example:

IRS focuses on political groups, like the Tea Party, and far-right crazies, in order to protect the current government. Right-wing media jumps all over it, as they should. Of course, they totally forget how terrible the last Republican President and government were, especially about that whole lying about WMDs, to name only one thing. Forgetful.

Final example:

Some of the media’s outlets, and their lack of impartiality. Sports was just a minor example. How often do we hear about something terrible, but never hear when said terrible thing is resolved? If it bleeds, it leads. If the media outlet has a political leaning (Sun New Network, Fox news, etc), then the news is no longer honest, it’s a tool to manipulate viewers. Screw journalistic ethics and the truth. Wrong

In conclusion:

It is these reasons that I never followed-up my stint in TV broadcasting at Algonquin College with a job in news. I would have become jaded and angry at how the news is more of a competition rather than what it should be, a source of knowledge.

To sum up:

Those that watch, smarten-up! Don’t get your news from one source. Be mindful of the ones behind the source of news and what their agenda is. The truth is out there, but not necessarily at 6 or 11 o’clock.

Sincerely,

Vigilant

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