Dear Stupid Drivers,

I know this may be a moot point because, after all, you are already stupid. But this is more a venting process for me than a learning experience for you because, OBVIOUSLY, you are stupid!

The passing lane is for PASSING. It is not for driving the same speed as the people in the right, slower lane. If you want to drive that slow, get into the right lane. If you want to driver faster, then get into the passing lane and PASS! Watching you pace someone in the right lane not only slows up traffic, but basically pisses off EVERYONE ELSE!

I don’t care what Dennis Leary said in his song “Asshole” about driving ultra slow in the ultra fast lane. The guy probably doesn’t even drive himself around anymore, since “Rescue Me” became so popular. So why should you care what some mouthy comedian says about driving, when he’s riding around in a gas-guzzling Hummer, snorting coke of some Thai hooker ass-crack!

Either you pass the person in the right-hand lane, or you stay behind them. Got it!

Sincerely,

Anyone who drives and isn’t a stupid driver.

 

Dear Hugh Jackman,

You are awesome.

You sing, you dance, you’re funny, and you play one of the most badass Canadian characters.

Plus, you are Australian. Bonus points!

I always saw Australia as the southern hemisphere’s version of Canada.

Anyways, keep up the awesome work. And please please PLEASE, don’t do anything stupid like get caught in some sort of scandal that TMZ can get wind of. If you do something under-handed, just, don’t get caught, ok?

Sincerely,

A Canadian.

 

Dear Smart People,

Kudos on your intelligence, whether it comes naturally or has been accumulated over years of hard work. When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m on your side.

But there are some smart people who aren’t as smart as they think. Sure they got the intelligence, but they seemed to have forgotten a few things. Things like “tact”, “proper social interaction”, and “humility”. These are things that a lot of people don’t have, but it seems that many smart people simply ignore these things because they think “Hey, I’m smart, I don’t need those things.”

WRONG!

You need those things. More than some people.

If you think smarts saves you from thinking of others, and acting with a modicum of respect, it really doesn’t. If you think smarts makes you better than everyone, thus allowing you to open your mouth ad nauseum about everything, it REALLY doesn’t.

Look at the dolts on reality TV! The fact they decided to go onto a reality TV show hints at their questionable decision-making skills. Yet they will be adored, cheered on, and potentially interviewed by dolt-ish media outlets. They will be popular for eating worms or sleeping around, or walking around naked. Despite all your smarts, you will not.

No doubt you will try to prove your smartness. There isn’t anything wrong about doing that… unless you do it regularly, at any chance you can get, in public, regardless of whether it makes others look stupid. So long as you’ve proven how smart you are!

Like Spider-Man’s Uncle Ben said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” That doesn’t mean shooting off your mouth any chance you get. It means using your smarts the betterment of all, not just yourself.

Thank you for your time smart people. You may now return to calibrating your positronic plasma slider.

Sincerely,

An Occasionally Smart Person

 

Dear Outraged Americans,

If you’re pissed about the verdict in the George Zimmerman trial, looting a Wal-Mart isn’t a constructive way to show that outrage. That was stupid.

Don’t honor Trayvon Martin, and all the other people who are killed senselessly, by doing stupid things.

The laws are wrong. Work towards change.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Canadian

 

*WARNING!!!  SPOILER ALERT!!!*

If you haven’t seen “Man of Steel”, then don’t read the next part…

Dear Man of Steel,

I really wanted to love your newest movie. It had so much potential! Zack Snyder as director! Christopher Nolan as Producer! David S. Goyer was in there somewhere. It had a huge budget, great actors like Russell Crowe, Kevin Costner, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, I even liked Henry Cavill from “The Immortal”

But… I just didn’t care. I wanted to care, but I just didn’t. Maybe whenever I watch the movie again, I’ll care.

Maybe it was the over-the-top promotion. Jolly Ranchers? Gillette? Dodge Ram? What the hell do they have to do with the movie? Supes didn’t drive a Dodge, or even use one to clobber the bad guys! And the question of how Superman shaves distracted me. And from what I can remember, no one was enjoying Jolly Ranchers. Maybe that would have made the movie more fun…

OH! That was it! The movie wasn’t fun! There was no wonder or awe! The movie was too gritty, too based in reality. Sure, Nolan’s reality worked on Batman, because Batman is just a rich kid who can’t deal with his parent’s death, thus training himself to be a vigilante. It could potentially happen. But Superman isn’t based in reality. He’s a superhero. The original superhero! Making the Man of Steel into the Dark Man of Steel was a HUGE misstep.

Then there was the ending.

Superman doesn’t kill. That is what separates him from the rest. He has a moral code that he upholds, regardless of who he faces. That’s what makes comic book heroes like him rare and precious. When most comic book heroes are out there killing left-right-and-center, Superman doesn’t, and shouldn’t! He stands for something. He, as the movie said early on, should be an example for others to follow. Snapping Zod’s neck doesn’t sound like the Superman that people, from 4 to 74, idolize.

Hopefully, the sequel will politely push Mr. Nolan out the door, and allow a little wonder and awe back, cause the gritty reality doesn’t suit Superman.

Maybe DC/ Warner Brothers/ Legendary Pictures should take a page from Marvel. They seem to be doing their movies right.

Sincerely,

Disappointed

 

Dear Mother Nature,

If all the extreme weather and heatwaves are punishment for screwing up the Earth, then so be it. We deserve it.

Sincerely,

Humans

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