I’m sure I’ve talked about this before, but a conversation I had recently reminded me of how frustrating and ignorant these people can be.
I was mentioning to a group of people how I was trying to improve my lifestyle for the better. Now I know the things I was working on weren’t huge steps to improvement, but they are steps nonetheless. After all, any improvement is better than none.
My mistake was mentioning this to someone who is so self-involved and self-righteous that they couldn’t see the benefit I was trying to accomplish. All they saw was errors.
They chuckled and proceeded to tell me my substitute for my old habits were just as bad. Despite my half-hearted defense of my choices, they just laughed any of my attempts off.
It was only afterwards that I remembered who this kind of person is. They don’t care about anything involving anyone else. The only time they do is when it affects them. It was pretty stupid of me to try to have a conversation with them in the first place. Anything everyone else does is wrong. Only they have all the answers. Only they know what is right and wrong.
Silly me, eh? Imagine me trying to have a normal conversation about myself with them.
If you attempt to have a conversation with someone like this, here are some things to remember:
1st: You’ll have to remember is that you are probably wrong, regardless of the subject matter.
2nd: You aren’t having a conversation with them, you are in verbal Mortal Kombat.
3rd: Don’t try reason, because their knowledge is beyond reason.
4th: They’ll always have the last word. Always.
Let’s break them down shall we…
Number 1: “You are probably wrong.”
You could be talking about Canadian Football, a subject neither one of you know anything about, yet they will know more than you. They will use any scrap of information they may or may not have heard just to ensure they are right. Even if they aren’t sure if they are accurate or not, THEY ARE RIGHT!
Number 2: “You are in verbal Mortal Kombat.”
Even if you aren’t talking with them, if they over hear something, they’ll interject into your conversation. What they say may have very little to do with your conversation, it may be the only thing they know, but they’ll toss it in there like a brick onto a birthday cake. They also have a hard time just talking with people. They see a conversation as a contest, one they MUST win! It they aren’t involved, then does it really matter? Nope! So they grace us with their words of wisdom, like taking a dump on the dinning room table,
The thing is, a conversation isn’t about winning or losing. It’s about making connections with others. It’s about sharing ideas, thoughts and feeling with someone. It can be a way to strengthen the bonds between friends, build bridges between new friends, or even just sharing a moment with a perfect stranger. Even when debating someone, when you are trying to voice an opposing view-point of subject matter, I don’t see that as verbal Mortal Kombat either. In a debate, you have to seriously know your subject matter. You have to have facts, not just opinions and beliefs. It can get heated and loud, but a proper debate should never be personal, or belittle the people of the opposing side. Someone who is self-involved only cares about them.
Number 3: “Their knowledge is beyond reason.”
Everybody has an opinion. Whether they are accurate varies on their insight, knowledge, and experience. Opinions are based on perspective, they are neither right or wrong. All this shit I’m saying, it’s based on observations, on my perspectives. I could be totally wrong. But what determines the validity of any opinion is whether it is shared by others, people who have experienced similar things and can relate. Having said all that, when having a conversation with someone who is always right, who is self-involved, their knowledge is beyond reason and reproach. In short, they are always right. Why? Because they don’t have an open mind.
In this blog, and all the others I’ve written, I’m always talking about my opinion, my point of view, my perspective. The thing is, I’m willing to listen to other’s opinions and thoughts on any subject. If they just blurt out “You are wrong.”, well, that’s not really constructive. But, if you have a counter-point, explain it so I can understand, then it is worth listening to. Being open-minded is one of the most important things any of us can be. Being open-minded allows us to learn.
If you are self-involved, you only care about you and your thoughts, your opinions. You are closed off to everyone. Therefore, you’ll never learn.
Number 4: “They’ll always have the last word.”
Yes, they can be that childish. No matter how the conversation swings, they’ll always feel the need to have the last word. This is especially true when, shock of shocks, they are actually wrong. They think having the last word somehow shows the other person they have won. They don’t realize that a good, enjoyable conversation isn’t about “winning”. But they are always right, so they have to win.
Despite what you might think, I don’t hate these kinds of people. When they aren’t in self-involved, “I’m-always-right” mode, they can be pretty decent people. I’ve enjoyed their company and believe it or not, have had normal, constructive, even enjoyable conversations with them! It’s almost like they are trying to prove something when they switch back to self-involved, “I’m-always-right” mode. There could be a lot of reasons for why they act like that, being normal one minute, then switching to dickish the next. Everyone has their own baggage to carry.
The only way these dickish people may be able to get over themselves is to realize what they are doing. They need to see how they are acting when they are acting like that. They need to see the negative effects their behaviour is having on others and themselves. They need to understand there are others in the world, all around them, and that everyone matters just as much they do. If they saw the negative aspects of themselves, then maybe they’d begin to understand. Knowledge of yourself is the first step to changing the negative aspects, the bad habits we have.
Of course, that’s IF they want to change. After all, if they are always right, then they are infallible,
And the rest of us have to put up with their sorry asses.