Dear Super Bowl Fans who paid thousands of dollars for a seat,

You are all idiots.

I don’t care if Jesus Christ himself was the half-time show, anyone who pays thousands of dollars for a piece of plastic barely big enough to accommodate their ass oughta have their mental faculties checked for severe damage.

And I’m not even talking about the Richie Riches who could actually afford such insane prices. I’m talking about the average Joes out there, earning a decent living, who then max out their credit card, or take out a loan just so they can watch a game, a GAME!

I know some will argue about the experience, saying you were there, and all that. But there are better, and cheaper ways, to make life experiences that one will always remember. How about this…

Rent a big screen TV, invite a bunch of your friends over, have lots of junk food and drinks, and spend the day hanging out, shooting the shit, making your predictions, etc. Then, watch the game, the half-time show, and the exciting finale, all with your best buds and even the odd acquaintances who may leave that day a new best friend.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a better time than spending $9000 for one frickin’ seat.

Sincerely,

Quality over Quantity

 

 

Dear Jackass Creators and Fans,

The other night, I actually watched the last half hour of the movie “Jackass 2.5”, and the first half hour or so of “Jackass 3D”.

For many years, I had tried to avoid the whole Jackass franchise because I thought it wasn’t funny, and just plain stupid. But, since it was on TV, I thought I would watch it to see if I could understand the appeal. After all, I could watch pretty much any comedy on TV, or comedic movie and have a laugh.

As  watched these part of the two movies, I realized why I didn’t like it. They were trying too hard.

When you watch some drunken hillbillies sling-shot themselves towards a pool, carrying a boogie board with the hopes of skipping across the pool, They do so with the intent of succeeding. They think this, or whatever other ridiculous feat they are trying to do, will be successful. If they are successful, it is usually by sheer luck. If they fail, you laugh because you wonder why these goofballs would think of such an idea.

Now, when you watch the guys from Jackass try and do something similar, you know they are expecting to fail. Why? Because that is what their fans are expecting. Their fans are expecting failiure, just like NASCAR fans are expecting a crash. I also think that is why when they do stuff like hitting Steve-O in the balls, or creating a shit volcano, that those feats are the ones fans enjoy most. No attempt at success is required. It is the grossness, pain and stupidity that their fans want. So to hell with everything else, just give the fans what they want.

What baffles me even more is that Johnny Knoxville, while not a good actor, was capable enough to be liked in the few movies I’ve seen him in. Yet he returns to his so-called “roots”. I guess its like Kim Kardashian showing off her ass when things are quiet in her life, so she can get that rush of celebrity gossip, which would her going back to her roots.

At least I can say I’ve watched some Jackass, so I can say for a certainty that it is a waste of my time. But for those who enjoy it, feel free to continue to do so. To each their own.

Sincerely,

Prefers Hillbillies Over Jackasses

 

 

Dear producers of Gotham,

I really wanted to like Gotham. It looked cool, had an interesting premise, and top-notch actors. Yet the more I watched, the more I began to not care.

I know the show is about the city, but IMO, it needed a core, a focal point to measure everything. I thought Jim Gordon was going to be that focal point, or maybe him and his partner, Bullock. They would be the two sides of Gotham, the just and true Vs the cynical and corrupt. Over the course of the first season, they would find a middle ground while dealing with Gotham’s underbelly, and meeting the proto-types of future character and villains.

But as I watched, it became a mess. A mess I cared less and less about.

IMO, a good show needs a focal point. As things progress, new elements are added, until it goes from focusing on two characters, to an ensemble. It seems Gotham went straight to a disjointed ensemble.

Don’t get me wrong, I hope it does well. It has the potential. But right now, I couldn’t really care less.

Sincerely,

Just a geek

 

 

Dear Warner Bros Movies and TV,

A while back, I heard of your ambitious slate of movies to rival the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). At the same time, I also heard how you were going to keep your movie and TV series separate, and not like Marvel’s model, where events on Agents of SHIELD can have an affect on the MCU and vice versa.

I guess you guys didn’t actually read comic book did you. Ya see, in comic books, each character can have their own book, but they can also appear in someone else’s book. Batman may appear in Superman’s book, Green Arrow pop up in Gotham, Lobo crashes the Justice League, and etc. Those kind of things were always cool.

But it seems you are taking one of the cool things about comics and ignoring it, at your own cost it would seem. Why would I pay money to see a Flash movie, when I can watch a perfectly good, and quite enjoyable Flash on TV? Same goes for Green Arrow/ Arrow. Not to mention the missed opportunity of keeping Constantine separate from the other DC shows.

I know, I know, Marvel has really done it right, and you don’t want to seem like second-fiddle, copying off Marvel’s success. But that hasn’t stopped others from trying to create their own interconnected universe.

So, how about you pull your head out of your ass, swallow your pride, and make the kind of DC movies and TV shows that fanboys are clamoring for. And hopefully the results will better than Green Lantern and Man of Steel… *shudder*.

Sincerely,

Still a geek

 

 

Dear DC Comics, and all the Crisis/ 52 Crap,

I just finished reading through the outlines for some of your “Crisis” books, starting with “Crisis on Infinite Earths” and through to “Final Crisis”. Man, you guys really like making things complicated!

I know you have a long continuity, but all these Crisis books just seems to make things worse. You tried to get rid of the multiverse idea, then you brought it back, then merged other ones… It just seems like a lot of sound and fury signifying not a whole hell of a lot.

Then, when you’ve run out of Crisis ideas, you start rebooting everything with 52, or is it the New 52? Or the More Newer Than The Previous 52? How many New 52s can you do? How many issue number ones can you make? Are the attention-spans of reader these days so bloody short?

For me, character, worlds, universes, and multiverses having a continuity adds a certain amount of weight or reality (such as comic books/ super fi can provide) to the stories. I know 60+ years of continuity can be daunting, but wouldn’t it be a better test of a writer’s skill to work within what was already created, instead of just tossing everything that came before out and starting fresh?

But I guess this a good way to pick comic book collector’s pockets, having a special edition Number 1 issue every year or so.

Sincerely,

Comic Book Fan from the 80’s and 90’s

Advertisements