Letters to… Joss Whedon, the NFL, Mother Nature, and Winos

Dear Joss Whedon,

Thank you for being awesome!

It’s just so unfortunate that a group of asshole trolls, who can’t seem to separate fiction from reality, sent you death threats over your awesome movie “Avengers: Age of Ultron”.

Death threats?! Over fictional characters and events? That’s pretty FUBARed right there. Who are these people?

Probably the same morons who send meant tweet to celebrities, saying clever shit like…

“F**k you (insert celebrity here).”

Real geniuses out there.

Anyways, don’t let the trolls get ya down Joss. You’ve got a lot of real fans out there. Keep up the awesome work.




Dear NFL,

Let me see if I got this right…

A player knocks out his girlfriend/ future-wife, gets a two game suspension.

A player cheats to win a game, he gets a four game suspension, his team is fined $1 million, and they lose vital draft picks.

So, what happens when a players kills someone? A slap on the wrist? Cause knocking out a woman with one punch, in a public place, seems to indicate that this guy has no problems punching her. Logic, or social study might indicate he does this regularly. Add to that the fact that she defended him, like many abused women do for their abusers.

Now, what if a player threatens/ beats a referee before/ during a game? Is that when the serious punishment is handed down? Like summary execution?

It seems like the NFL has its priorities and morals all screwed up and paid for my corporate sponsors.

I think I’ll stick with the CFL. These play because they love the game, not because of obscene amounts of money.


A Ottawa Redblacks fan. Go Redblacks!


Dear Mother Nature,

We’d like Summer now!


Everyone in Canada


Dear Wine-Drinkers,

While many of you can enjoy a glass of wine once in a while, there are others who seem to guzzle it back like alcoholics. What’s worse is that this seems socially acceptable. How many TV shows, movies, books, and general behaviour seem to think that copious consumption of wine is not a big deal?

The fact is, drinking too much of anything alcoholic isn’t good for you. Here’s are some of the side-effects that I pulled from WebMD:

“Pregnancy and breast-feeding: Alcohol is UNSAFE to drink during pregnancy.” An obvious one, and thankfully most women abide by it. But the one thing they seem to talk about most while pregnant? How soon they’ll have win/ booze after the baby is out.

“Asthma: Drinking wine has been linked with triggering asthma attacks. This may be due to salicylates in the wine and/or nitrites that have been added.” Didn’t know about this one.

“Gout: Using alcohol can make gout worse.” I guess if you have Gout, wine allows you to forget about it… oh, wait…

“Heart conditions: Wine is harmful when used by someone who already has this condition. Using alcohol can make chest pain and congestive heart failure worse.” Drink it to help with heart problems, but if you already have it, it makes things worse? Sounds contradictory.

“High blood pressure: Drinking three or more alcoholic drinks per day can increase blood pressure and make high blood pressure worse.” Another anti-heart-related thing. I thought wine was supposed to help?

“High levels of blood fats called triglycerides (hypertriglyceridemia): Drinking alcohol can make this condition worse.” Soo, if you are overweight, things could get worse? Still doesn’t seem to help, especially when the majority of people are already overweight.

“Trouble sleeping (insomnia): Drinking alcohol can make insomnia worse.” I guess if you don’t pass out, you are up all night… which I guess is helpful for over-achievers playing around on Facebook.

“Liver disease: Drinking alcohol can make liver disease worse.” Ah alcohol.

“Neurological conditions: Drinking alcohol can make certain disorders of the nervous system worse.” It can also make good people into assholes!

“A condition of the pancreas called pancreatitis: Drinking alcohol can make pancreatitis worse.” If you’re ill, you probably shouldn’t be making it worse.

“Stomach ulcers or a type of heartburn called gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD): Drinking alcohol can make these conditions worse.” Alcohol again! yipee!

“A blood condition called porphyria: Alcohol use can make porphyria worse.” Whatever that is, it can’t be good. Have some more wine!

“Mental problems: Drinking three or more drinks of alcohol per day can make mental problems worse and reduce thinking skills.” See Making good people into assholes.

“Surgery: Wine can slow down the central nervous system. There is a concern that combining wine with anesthesia and other medications used during and after surgery might slow the central nervous system down too much. Stop drinking wine at least 2 weeks before a scheduled surgery.” Nervous about the surgery? Have some wine!

Like anything, drinking too much of something isn’t good for you. I, for example, prefer Coca-Cola. I know it is just sugar-water with a lot of crap in it. I used to drink waaay too much of it in my youth. But normally, I might have one or two cans a day. There are days I don’t drink any at all!

My point is, just because wine has some science to back up the good things it does, doesn’t mean you guzzle it down regularly, and in copious amounts. Plus, drinking a lot of alcohol of any kind doesn’t make problems go away, it just makes them worse, and you incapable of dealing with them.

And to all the pro-wine websites out there, be honest. Don’t sweet-talk people. Tell them the truth and let them decide. If they want to be winos, that is their problem. At least you told them the good AND bad.


Objective Ol’ Me

P.S., Heavy wine drinkers making their own wine is like pot heads growing their own pot. If they can’t get enough at the store/ their dealers, then make it at home!


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