I’m back… again.
My apologies to those who follow my ramblings. I haven’t posted anything significant or regular in a long time. I’m hoping to change that starting with this blog.
This year has had its ups and downs for me, but it really started late last year, when I finally got an actual pharmacy job, after the year of schooling and nearly a year of unemployment.
As I believe I stated in a previous blog, I soon realized I sucked at working in the pharmacy. It wasn’t the people I worked with, who were friendly, helpful and supportive… except for that one girl. Although she said I smelled, I never told anyone that she was a bi-polar bint who always had a condescending tone in her voice when she talked… except for now.
But I digress.
The long and short of it was I was made to be a Pharmacy Technician. To be totally honest, I knew this back during my course to become a Pharmacy Technician. I started second guessing myself about half-way through the course. But I stuck with it, hoping that it was just nerves, or apprehension.
But nope! It was my instincts telling me I was on the wrong path. I should have taken the hint when one of the administrators at the college, upon learning that I was a writer and blogger, began referring to me as “the journalist”. But sometimes, hints aren’t enough to smarten one up.
It also didn’t help that the career counsellor who had guided me to this whole Pharmacy Technician thing pretty quickly shot-down my idea of getting funding to enhance my writing skills. Even after telling her how important writing was to me, and how long I had been working at it, AND of the possible courses I could take that would expand my skills into other fields, she pretty much said no.
The thing is, I was already pretty down on myself and my choices. Bankruptcy. Loss my house. Loss my job (all in the span of a week). Depression. Unsympathetic neighbours/ family (with their own issues that prevented them from seeing mine). Disillusionment with myself and my life choices. etc. etc.
So when someone gave me an idea to change my life, I thought I’d give it a shot. Couldn’t be any worse than how things were. The people around me were happy, having chosen a “real” career. It was kinda nice to feel that.
But, as I said, about half way through the course, I knew it wasn’t for me. And it came to a head during the last few weeks of my pharmacy job, which were hell for me. I was stressed beyond anything I had felt before. I felt pressure from people around me, saying how proud they were of me, not knowing how unhappy I was. I actually had an anxiety attack! I thought it was a heart attack! I’ve NEVER, in any other job, no matter how stressful, had it have that kind of effect on me. I knew this wasn’t going to work out. My boss knew it, and I’m sure the others I worked with knew it too.
I was let go and unemployed again.
I was frustrated by being unemployed, again, and the constant reminder from my landlord. But I felt better. A lot better.
It wasn’t long before I was hired for the job I have now. Decent pay, a decent company, surrounded by mostly cool people (there’s always that one person…). But more importantly, it gave me the thing I needed the most, time. No more coming home and trying to study for my job. This job was simple work, actually enjoyable when I’m out doing deliveries. But when the day is done, the work stays there and my home time is MY time.
Its taken a while for me to adjust to this new job, or should I say, adjust to a regular income that I can enjoy stress-free. This period of adjustment has also allowed me to detox all that stress and worry that burdened me. For the first time in a long time, I started thinking about my stories, my characters, the Infinatum, my novel the Black Wave Event, and all the other books I wanted to write! The pharmacy gig had taken up so much of my mind and time that I had lost touch of the things that I truly enjoyed.
Thus comes the point of my blog!
Life can lead us down a lot of different paths. Some go where we want, some take us in directions we eventually realize we didn’t want to go. Although my pharmacy training took a good chunk of time, it was necessary. If I had been good at it, that would have been my life. But I wasn’t. To me, that means I’m meant to do something else. I didn’t need a new career, I needed a decent job to support me so I can do what I was meant to do. That doesn’t mean I’ll become a success at writing, or even call myself an “author”. But at least I’ll have stayed true to who I am, regardless of what others think or want of me.
They have their own path to walk down.
I have mine.