This morning, I came across a post on Facebook that actually pissed me off. Now usually, things I see posted that I don’t agree with, or even people who dislike my comments, I usually just laugh them off.
But not this one.
It was posted by this guy named Dale Partridge, a self-help business guy who just turned 31 and wanted to let others know how he felt. here are some excerpts from his post…
“When men thought it was better to remain independent than making a commitment to another.”
“I’m not sure when video games and “guy night” became more important than tee-ball and date night.”
“I’m not sure when men became boys.”
“Our culture has a boy problem. In Italy, they call it Peter Pan Syndrome. I call it immaturity and selfishness. Men so focused on their dreams, their visions, and their desires they find themselves wealthy, known, and alone.”
“The adult world doesn’t need more boys. We need men who will grow up, know up, and show up.”
“We need more men of integrity and character. Those who will hold a moral code and not compromise it.”
What the fuck?! Who the fuck does this self-righteous, pompous jackass think he is?!
Ok, back the truck up. This guy is talking about himself. He sees himself as the epitome of manhood because he’s 31, has a wife and two kids. Well good for him. Congratulations on his success and happiness.
But for him to judge others by his standards smacks of the things I mentioned before, him being a self-righteous, pompous jackass. He talks about men who focus on their dreams and goals, who play video games, who he calls “immature” and “selfish”, and that these kind of men lack his level of integrity and character.
As much as I hate to admit it, there are some men out there who live and act like the men he talks about. But to my knowledge, most of them are still in their 20’s. Speaking from experience, being a decade and some past 30, I know that people (men and women) in their 20’s aren’t that much different from teenagers. They have a little more experience, but many still haven’t found their way. This isn’t the 1950’s anymore, where people graduated high school, married, and started their life-long career, all before they were 21. These days, that may not happen until well into their 30’s.
I think what really pissed me off about this guy’s crap is that it made me think of my brother-in-law Charlie.
When he met my sister, I was still a little kid. He was in his 20’s and did a lot of the things 20-year-olds did. But when he and my sister fell in love. He committed himself to her, changed many of his bad habits, and became a good man, a good husband, and a good father.
But, much to Dale’s chagrin, Charlie was also a big kid at heart. He loved comic books, cartoons, and video games. He continued to do so throughout his marriage, when he had kids, right up until Leukemia took him. He loved to do all those things. He often told me about how someday, they would make superhero movies, then have them all team up in one movie.
Did these things make him less of a man? Absolutely not! He was a good man. He worked hard for his family. He would always be there to help you out. He had character. He was committed to his wife and kids. He was everything that Dale has said is the definition of a man, yet he was also a boy. So, in my mind, a “real man” can be both.
Another problem I had with Dale’s diatribe is how he put a negative spin on a man’s dreams. If he had said the same things about women, you want to believe he’d get a shit-load of hate comments. But its easy to be negative towards men, after all, just being men, we probably deserve it!
But I digress.
In Western culture, everything tells us to strive for our dreams. It is something that has been ingrained in us since people first came to this country seeking a better life than they had. People’s dreams are what have made some of our greatest achievements possible, for better or worse. Without dreams, we become just flesh-covered automatons living our life according to someone else until we keel over.
I sincerely hope he doesn’t tell his kids not to bother with their dreams, and instead to find someone and marry them, because, according to him, that’s what makes a worthy man.
Sidebar: I wonder what, in his mind, makes a worthy woman? Someone who marries the first guy that asks? Who lives by her husband’s will? Is she allowed to follow her dreams, or is being a wife enough for her?
Finally, Dale talks about a moral code and integrity. Apparently, he has it in spades, and men who he sees as boys, don’t. Funny thing is, when my friends and siblings were boozing it up as kids, I wasn’t. I was usually the sober voice of reason. I was the one who worried about them and tried to make sure they got home safe. If I had lacked a moral code or integrity, I might have done many unsavory thing in my life, potentially ruining friendships that I hold most dear. If I lacked these things, as soon as I got a decent paying job, I would have went back to living on my own, instead of staying where I am needed. I am definitely not a high-on-his-horse type of fella that Dale is, but I am NOT the kind of single person he paints.
One thing he fails to mention is the divorce rate. It seems, according to him, when people get married, the man becomes all righteous and awesome and shit. So, I guess when they divorce, they aren’t so good anymore. In fact, if you believe him, they walk away from their duty as men. They become less as men. They become… like the men who act like boys! *gasp!* I’m not even going to get into the men who marry because they accidentally knocked-up their girlfriend, or the men who don’t marry because they haven’t found the right guy, something I suspect Dale’s belief system would absolutely hate.
One of the saying from the Bible that I like is when it said “He who is without sin, cast the first stone.” In this case, I would take it as “The only way you can talk this shit, Dale, is if you’re squeaky clean.”.
No one is squeaky clean.
Everyone has their own life to live, their own choices to make, and they have to deal with unexpected events. We all deal with them differently, for better or worse. We should NEVER compare our lives to others, and no one has the right to pass judgement on the way others live their lives. This can be hard to do, especially with dicks like Dale around. But if we are truly good, have our own sense of integrity, our own moral code, and live our way, then the worst that dicks like Dale can do is piss us off, or, in my case, give me a subject for a blog.