Don’t Fear the Penis

Last week, I read an article that featured Emilia Clarke, one of the frequently nude stars of “Game of Thrones”, or as Ian McShane calls it “Tits and Dragons”. Fortunately for the male audience, no males ever get nude on that show, which is what Clarke was complaining about in the article.

But that has been the way of things since movies were invented. It seems that when it comes to women, nudity is great. But when it comes to men, NOPE! We’ll save that for the porn industry.

Why is there such a taboo about male nudity?

I think a lot of it has to do with who has the real power in the film industry. Men. Sadly, they still have a lion’s share of power, and the majority of them don’t want to see ding-a-lings flopping around. They want to see a woman’s boobs and asses flopping and jiggling around.

But I think there is something more to it than just that. I think men fear the penis.

Yep, despite having one of their own, they fear seeing a penis on screen. Why else would a movie where tons of people are killed by everything from natural disasters to assassins get a PG-13 movie rating, but throw in some nudity and it gets an R-rating. If it’s a nude man, full frontal, it’s a hard R-rating. Because nudity, especially male nudity, is so much worse than people being gunned down…

So why do they fear the penis?

Maybe it stems from the whole envy thing. It’s related to the same thing that drives men to buy big, flashy, super-expensive cars, or huge, deafening pick-up trucks. Since they can’t walk around showing off a huge penis, or think they don’t have a manly enough penis, they buy things to make up for it. The bigger, louder, more expensive, etc. you get the idea. Maybe during cavemen times, it was the guy with the biggest club. Of course, back then, they walked around with their dingle berries hanging out.

It might be a homophobic thing, especially these days. After all, only gay guys like dick. And no matter how open-minded a guy may seem, bring up something homosexual enough times and eventually, their liberal facade will fade. They’ll shudder and feel their manhood has been somehow altered just by talking about the subject. That’s when the gay jokes come out, or talk of last night game. Because you don’t want to be known for knowing too much about gays and dicks and everything related to such.

It could also be the repressed nature of western society. Remember earlier when I mentioned the whole movie rating system? That was pretty much true, especially in North America. It is more socially acceptable for young people to watch people getting killed than it is for them to see nudity. How fucked up is that? It doesn’t help that, for the most part, nudity in movies is treated as something sexualized. If a guy gets a hint at the girl’s boobs, Ooo! Sexy! If a guy is stranded on a desert island and walks around nude, whoa! No way! But both are rated R. Meanwhile, Europeans and the people of Quebec laugh at us as they watch shows with lots of nudity. Hell, when I was a kid, I remember a station from Quebec that showed soft-core porn late Saturday nights. Viva la Quebec!

It is at this point I was going to post a picture of a penis. Nothing gross or erect, just a regular Ol’ penis. Could I find one on Google image search? Nope! They were all weird looking, medical drawings, or blurred out. Even on a platform as diverse as the internet, on one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, search engines, I could not find just a plain ol’ normal limp penis.

We must stop fearing the penis. It is just fleshy tube that really only has two purposes. In all honesty, it is humorous looking. It boggles the mind why some women make such a big deal about it when THEY have something infinitely more complicated and interesting. The penis won’t make straight guys gay if they talk about it, or look at it. It won’t corrupt our minds, or bring down our society, if we see one in a movie. If we came to appreciate it more, then maybe guys wouldn’t spend so much money on stupid things and put them towards charities, their families, or other good deeds.

So guys, the next time you hear someone talking about a penis, or see one in a movie, don’t recoil in horror, or fear you have suddenly turned gay. Man up, and accept the fact the penis exists.


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