I did write about this before… last year.
Back then, I wrote how…
“a certain time of year, whether it be the beginning of a new year, or before school starts in September, feels like the beginning of a new chapter in one’s life. A time to start fresh, to re-ignite our passions and ideals, or to re-align our paths in a direction we want to go.”
Well, here I am again, one year later, and not much has changed since I wrote the same kind of blog I usually write about making changes, self-improvement, etc. etc.
So, what happened between then and now? Well, not a whole hell of a lot. Work remained work. The job, the boss, the people remained decent. But, as wrote last time, “decent” means “adequate; fair; passable…” And honestly, most people, including myself would be quite happy with “decent”. As for the things I mentioned last year…
Age: No, I’m not “old”. But I have started looking back at the time that has passed and I have wondered more and more “what have I done?” There have been opportunities to do what I have wanted, but I just never did them. And, as I close in on the half-way point of life, it is kinda pissing me off.
Overweight: Despite my occasional indulgence, I have pretty much stayed the same weight I was last year, which is kinda surprising. But I have begun to feel the weight (real and metaphorical) on me.
Writing: For a few months, I stopped writing completely. No blogs. No character development or creation. Nothing. Zip. Nada. I had other things to blame before, but there’s nothing to blame this year save for my own lack of motivation.
I need a change. Big time.
It may not be first steps, but I finally got rid of my old car and bought a brand new car. I also got myself a new computer. It may seem like odd things to be “first steps” but for so long, I was getting by on what I had. I was wasting money on things I didn’t need. I just realized that I needed a shake up.
Also, I needed to re-engage. I had been cruising for a while, getting by, that I sort of forgot that getting by and having things be “decent” shouldn’t always be enough. Buying the car was kinda scary. I had been debt free for a few years, and enjoying it. But I also wasn’t doing anything either. I wasn’t… engaged. (hmm, kinda liking that word. Very fitting)
So, new car, new computer. Check. What else do I need to do to re-engage?
Walking: I used to walk regularly, 5km a day. I’ve started to do that again and it has felt good. The real trick will be to continue to go for my walks AFTER work, when I’m feeling tired and it’s dark and cold.
Junk Food: I always indulge over the holidays. But with the start of the New Year, I have some changes to make. But I’m not going crazy about it. If I cut out all of the junk food I enjoy, then life will be kinda boring. So, I’ll limit myself. Once a week, on a Friday, sort of like when people come home from work on Friday and relax with a glass of wine, or a beer. Make it a treat, not a regular thing.
Writing: This will be the hardest, and some will say “well, if you love it, it shouldn’t be!” Well, those people can kiss my ass. When very few to no-one cares about something you love, when those closest to you are oblivious to the thing you enjoy the most, when there are other important things to take care of in your life (caring for loved ones, whether it be kids, grandparents, or elderly parents), it can be hard to get you head into it, or find the time to do something productive.
Also, if you’ve been working on the same thing for a long time, it can be hard to re-discover the freshness of the story, ideas, and characters. Thankfully, I’ve found a way to re-engage with my characters and their world. It is my hope that working on fresh ideas will help me get back into that head-space and finish the various works I’ve left hanging.
It isn’t hard to forget who you were or who you want to be. Life can get in the way. People around you can let you down. You motivation can wane. You can question yourself and your dreams. So many things can pop up and affect you. The important thing is that when you remember what you are supposed to be doing, you re-engage with that version of yourself and keep moving forward.
There will be challenges. My motivation will be tested. Life will get in the way. It happens to all of us.
We just have to remember to re-engage and continue on.