As it gets closer to Christmas (or as Hanukkah chugs right along… wait, is it Hanukkah or Chanukah? Why is there two spelling? Is it like Christmas and XMas? Discuss.)
I’m gonna do the closest thing I can do to phoning it in with this blog. I could write about all the horrible crap going on in the world, but instead, I bring you…
George Carlin’s Book Club!
This is only part of it, but this bit, on his 1981 album “A Place for my Stuff” is hilarious! He says it so fast, you have to listen to it a few times because you some while you are laughing.
Also, this gives me some idea for Christmas presents for people, so lets see what’s–
Join the Book Club!
Ok pushy, what do ya got?
As an introductory offer, we’ll send you the following books absolutely free:
Eat, Run, Stay Fit And Die Anyway… Nope!
How To Seem Intelligent… I seem a lot of things.
There’s Big Money In Staying Put… Since when?
Peace Of Mind By Losing Complete Control For 16 Hours a Day… THAT’S on the Xmas list… Christmas list?
Your Thighs Control Your Life… Hell yeah! Chafing!
How To Fillet A Panda… For the nature lovers out there!
Rid Yourself Of Doubt…Or Should You?… I should get that for myself… or should I?
Chances Are Your Sister’s Full Of Shit… Ab-SOL-frickin’-LOOTLY!
How To Give Yourself A Complete Physical Without Getting Undressed… Date night!
64 Good Reasons For Giving Up Hope… Reason 1: this blog
Why Jews Point… For that person who thinks saying “Jew ya” is a TOTALLY acceptable thing to say. HINT: it isn’t.
100 Dead People Nobody Misses… Who was that dead dude again?
Backpacking For Shut-Ins… That’ll get me nowhere.
My Dog Is A Real Fruit… not that there’s anything wrong with that!
Your Shoes Are Worth Money… I’d be stinking rich!
Reorganizing Your Pockets… for that obsessive compulsive on everyone’s list.
What To Wear On The Toilet… Not pants.
124 Simple Exercises For The Teeth… If eating counts, I’m in!
The Stains In Your Shorts Can Indicate Your Future… oh crap.
Tips On Getting Laid… That’s a keeper.
Self-Mutilation As An Attention Getter… For the cutter who hates the sight of blood.
600 Ways To Give People The Shaft… #341: give someone an actual shaft (you’d think that would be, like, the first one, but NOOOOPE!)
Tremble Your Way To Fitness… Inspired by Chihuahua lovers.
You Give Me Six Weeks And I’ll Give You Some Disease… for the Hypochondriac on your list.
Tada! All done.
If you liked this… your standards are waaay too low.
But that’s what I like about you! 🙂