Tag Archive: hope


Small Motivational Mnemonic

Motivation can be everything.

It can get you up in the morning. Remind you why you do whatever it is you do. Make that thing you do worthwhile. Give you that spark, that drive, to complete things, to do something well instead of half-assed.

But sometimes, motivation can be hard to muster. Sometimes you do silly things like ask “Why am I doing this?” or “Is this all worthwhile?”, or my personal favourite, “Will any of this amount to anything? Will I?”

I don’t know if these are questions just writers ask themselves, or is it other artsy people, or everyone in general?

I suspect everyone, at some point in their lives, asks themselves these questions, circling around the bigger life questions like “Why am I here?” and all that. But I think I’ll just focus on the seemingly simpler one, “Why am I doing this?”

The “This” in question for me is writing. I may not have always been a “writer” per se, but I have been a storyteller. I have created characters, worlds, mythologies, and all the things you need to make a writer. It has only been the past 16 years or so that I have come to my senses and realized there was a specific outlet for all these whacky things I was thinking up. Over the years, I have also written and blogged about my ups and downs as a writer, from the frustration to the successes.

In the past few years, I’ve had a little more chaos and disappointing revelations than I would have liked. With a little more on the horizon, this question returns to me, like a boomerang I keep trying to get rid of. “Why am I doing this?” “Will any of this amount to anything?”

The easy, gung-ho answers would be “Because I love it!” and “Who cares!”

I do love writing and creating. They may be the only two things I’m actually decent enough at to get noticed. I have also written for myself, for my own enjoyment. In my opinion, if you write what you enjoy, it comes through in the writing and others will see it and either enjoy it or not. George Lucas or the Wachowskis, they didn’t write the biggest things they are known for to make others happy. I’m sure many other writers are of the same mind-set. They write what they enjoy and the passion and skill of doing so makes their works that much better.

So why am I asking myself these questions? I could blame the lack of support from many of those closest to me. Their indifference stemming from a lack of understanding, or a lack of willingness to understand. I could blame bad habits, or lack of discipline when indulging in my addiction and what should be a pastime and not a full-time. But the truth of it is, I have only myself to blame.

The support I would like from family and some friends may never come. Thankfully, I have some good friends who have always supported me. Laziness and procrastination are two big factors in feeding my bad habits, and allowing my negativity about others things that bug me (as written about in other blogs). IE: If I’ve had a crappy day at work, when I get home, I allow myself to wallow in that negativity. Which brings me to indulging in my addiction, junk food, and my favourite pastime, watching movies. Both have gone hand-in-hand for decades. It’s like when a friend told me they had a hard time separating drinking from smoking cigarettes. I won’t go into the personal crap around me, because everyone has personal crap.

The reason I’m asking myself these questions, is because I need to remind myself why it is I want to do this, and what it will take to do it. I think there are times in our lives where we all have to remind ourselves why it is we do what we love, to remind ourselves that, whether or not it amounts to anything, that we remember we accomplished something.

I have accomplished quite a bit. But the next step, if I’m brave enough, if I have the discipline, will help define whether I am truly meant for this. Whether I truly have the talent, skills, and right to actually call myself a “writer”. Whether someday, I can attain the privilege and honour from others to consider me an “author”.

But it isn’t just the discipline, hard-work and dedication that is needed. Hope is needed to. The ability to dream, to imagine, that all of what I want can be accomplished. That everything I need to achieve my goals is available to me. I just need to gather them, use them, and get what I want. I need to shed what holds me back, the bad habits, the negative thinking, and seeking approval from those who don’t give a shit. It won’t be easy, and there will be missteps. But every small victory leads to more.

Like I said at the beginning, motivation can be everything. Without it we can falter, question ourselves, and question our choices.

It is in times like that, we need to remind ourselves what our motivation is.

Sometimes, we just have to write it out.

 

“Who is it that chooses our steps in the dance? Who drives us mad? Lashes us with whips and crowns us with victory when we survive the impossible? Who is it, that does all of these things? Who honors those we love for the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time sings that we will never die? Who teaches us what’s real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we’ll die to defend? Who chains us? And who holds the key that can set us free… It’s you.

You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!”

  • Sweet Pea, from “Suckerpunch”

Hopes & Dreams

We all have dreams of where we’d like to be someday, how we would live our lives. It could be a place, a house, or as simple as a certain life style. Usually it is one without stress or work, and we have all the freedom we could ever want. The majority of us never achieve those dreams. Some of us find peace in what we do in our regular lives. Maybe through our children, or doing altruistic and selfless, or just the simple satisfaction that we have a place in the world. Many of us though, never find that life. Many just live day by day, and dream about something they know, deep down, they’ll never have.

These things have been on my mind for a while recently. The future. Not a specific thing or time, but how I actually want to spend it. Sure, thinking about the future can cause stress, but my way of thinking is not so much the destination, but the journey required to get to that destination, and what I’d like at that destination.

It hasn’t been specific things or places per se, but feelings and images…

One is a flowing river or a body of water, like a lake. There’s a grassy river bank with old tress leaning out over the water. A cool breeze rustles the leaves, causing shadows beneath to sway. Hanging from a large branch is a hammock. Its waiting for me to join it. It beckons me to bring a book, or nothing at all and just sleep to the sounds of the leaves, or the gentle song of the river.

Another involves walking down a fog-shrouded country road just before sunrise. There are trees along each side of the road. It is silent, save for a few birds and the soft echo of my footsteps. There’s no sound of civilization. No cars on a distant highway. No music blaring. Just simple tranquility. The sky above is filled with deep blues, warm pinks and vivid reds as the sun prepares to rise over the horizon. It is that time before the world fully wakes up, and you feel like you are the only person in existence.

There are other moments, all too brief, that I experience every so often. Even if they are only for a few seconds, they are moments that I wish to capture and keep, or find a way to seek them out and make them normal.

But reality always returns, which isn’t always a terrible thing. Those moments of bliss may be gone, but they become all the more valuable for having been, and they keep us yearning for them.

I’m not saying I’m old, but I’m getting the point where how my life ends is somewhat important. I still plan to have many years to live. But the question is, how do I want to live them? I could continue on the path I have traveled. There are worse paths, and it has improved greatly in the past few months. Or, I can take those brief moments of bliss and make them the reality.

Easier said than done, of course.

But there are many others who have envisioned their goal, went out and achieved them. So why can’t I? Because its hard. If it were easy, everyone would have everything they wanted!

Myself, I have been somewhat ambitious in my life. But I’ve also indulged myself. I have allowed my bad habits to become regular habits. I have found it simpler to just do what I wanted instead of what I should do. The biggest effect this has had has been my lack of regular writing. Blogs are one thing, but working on the Black Wave Event, and other projects has been virtually non-existent. It not like I have ignored my goals or dreams of making a career out of writing. I think my characters every day. But I allow myself to not do anything, for various valid and stupid reasons. I could also blame the lack of support from those around me, which has some truth to it, but in the end, it is I who controls what I do, not the disinterest of others.

Change is never easy. I know because I’ve written about change before. But there may be a difference this time. Last time, if I faltered, I allowed myself to slip back into old habits, old ways of living, and old ways of dreaming. I would kick myself for my failure, instead of acknowledging that failure, and starting again. That is where success starts. Not giving in or giving up. Accepting our faults, and showing a genuine willingness to change them.

I don’t know what the future holds for me. Will be the continuation of my current life, just getting by, satisfied with whatever I can scrape together. Or will there be genuine change. Will my bad habits become old habits, and then no habits. Will I start new habits, constructive habits, positive habits that will lead me to that hammock by the river, or that walk along a quiet, foggy country road?

I guess only time will tell if I achieve my dreams and goals.

Stay tuned.

Chapter TK

Question Everything

AROUND and ABOUT

... I M O ...

Kate Heartfield

writer and editor

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